Out in the Open

So many sunshines rose and fell, days came and went.
Secrets stayed sealed under cupid-sick lips.

The day has come.... the day has finally come.
Now secrets out and broken open .
All the preconceived ideas and notions of what could come of reaction...
Swept away with wind and with the simple steps of a summer walk....
Secret kept is now out. Souls trapped... now freed.
God... how it feels great to be free... and out in the open.
Star-crossed yet stubbornly sworn into love under Cupids red arrow.

Caged Sadness

I watch you..... We watch you...
Your magnificent beauty how it moves us with every step you take.
We sense your spirit as you pace back and forth
.................. pacing back and forth................
How unfair it all seems.
How terrible and seems demonstrated more with you than any other animal.

You thirst.
Your thirst for your land. The coldness. The Artic Cold.
You thirst.
For blood. For the thrill of the chase in predator versus prey.
Instead there you pace. Trapped. Locked up. Locked away.
Waiting for them to throw you pieces of fish... or whatever it is thats on the menu of the day.
I am sorry. We feel sorry.
My heart drops. My eyes well up.
I walk away with a few good shots on my camera.
All for what?
You are given barely any room to pace... barely any room to swim.

If they could only let you free... let you be. We're sorry.
Suddenly the zoo seems a little less fun and carefree.
You're a Polar Bear Mockery.

Ever ?

Ever feel like you're juggling one, two, three balls too many in your hands?
Juggling them all... so many, so many you can barely stand anymore?
I have.

Ever feel like your're walking the tightrope of indecision?
Like your head is so clouded up with fog you can barely remember your own name..?
I have.

Then I look out into the horizon... and I look into my heart... I look into his eyes.
I find my balance. I speak and he helps me balance my feet back on the ground again.
So I have felt that way before but do not have to anymore.

Do Not

Do not tell me what to feel.
I know what I feel.
Do not tell me what I love.
I know what to love. I know how to love.
Do not tell me what I am passionate about it.
Because I know where my passions lie

Do not pretend to know me "for me".
Do not tell me that you know my heart -
Do not say you know the inside of my head, you do not.

Do not take control. You do not have to.
I am in control of my own life, somehow.
I may not have all the answers but I make my own choices.

Let me be and I'll tell you who I am.
I'll tell you what I'm all about.
Your fake accusations that you believe to be real used to cut me.
Now they brush off of me. I'm numb to them.

I did what Dad said.
I took out my crayons and colored you.
I've colored you red.

Rage. The Outrage.

I rise early with the morning sun
Stretch my arms out with an unsettling uneasiness.
Feathers

F
..A
....L
......L

Feathers fall all around me d
......................................o
.......................................w
........................................n from my outstretched hands.

The new day has begun but already I feel drown in it....
I am

...........D
............R
.............O
..............W
...............N
................I
.................N
..................G

in it. In what? What you wonder? I wonder myself.
Sometimes I can barely swallow.
The new the untouched the morning fog
Sometimes it is hard to see.

I look out on the years behind me, sworn to never have regrets
Yet I lay swallowed by them- gasping for air inside of them.
Where did I go wrong?
Blame is not a game I know well.

... W H E R E
?!@# ?
When was it so fucked up to party and act my age?
It never was, I suppose.

No.
I somehow began to slip away from my own path.
Is that where I first lost my footing?
My path where I followed my heart has seen many forks in the road.
Do I blame anyone else for where I am now? No.
It is my life. Mine. Mine alone. My choices are my own.
I made them. I live with the aftermath of them-- the aftermath from them.

No. NO. Let me talk. It's my turn to talk and your turn to listen.
When I began to listen to the whisper of other thoughts and other voices--
That. There. Right fuckin there. And there was my downfall.
Mine. Damn it. All mine. I partied my way down. Loved my way down.

D
O
W
N
F
A
L
L

now.
NOW I STAND EXACTLY WHERE I AM.
PERHAPS.
and perhaps...
"Shh! Let me speak!"
Perhaps it is where I am supposed to be in my life.
Fixing the wrong that I have done.
Let me be. I am suffering to be me. Just let me be.